I have written about how the guidelines of the circle are a set of expectations to follow in order for a positive peaceful resolution to occur. But (the big BUT), what if people ignore the guidelines, whether it be due to emotional trauma, confusion or anger? What if conflict causes one to speak out of turn, disagree, disrupt the guidelines or overstep boundaries and thus treat others in the circle negatively and at the same time lose his or her own integrity? Losing one's integrity is the price one pays when disrespecting the circle guidelines and one must answer to his/her own woes while looking in the mirror. There is no excuse for disrespectful behaviour in the circle and under these circumstances peaceful communication is, beyond a doubt, hard work for all involved.
Whether i be a circle facilitator or a participant, it is my intention to take full responsibility to acknowledge an error of disrespectful behaviour and/or misdirected judgement. Through acknowledgement, one becomes vulnerable and when one is courageous enough to reveal their vulnerabilities by admitting their wrongs in (and out of) the circle, then opportunity rises for healing to begin. When one acknowledges their disrespect to others in the circle, then the act of disrespect becomes a good teacher for all involved and integrity is offered space to save face.
Circle Sharing is a complex process. Among each of its' members, there is a diversity of life experiences attached, cultural differences and/or cell memory from lifetimes past to mitigate.
The Circle Resolution process, is just that- a process. One must remember that there are no two circles alike. There are times when the circles do not work for everyone and one needs to accept and walk away until all feel safe to return- if they return at all. It is a difficult part of the process to accept that there will be no resolution. Accepting that there will not be reconciliation is a process of its own. Time heals but at the same time, there is no specific time-line for the healing process to occur. One needs to sit and reflect in patience until the healing process comes around full circle in every sense of the word- and it may take generations before reconciliation to occur, or resolution may happen in a 20 minute circle sharing experience. To each his/her own healing process.
If it is not the right time for people to come to terms together, then it's time for all parties to leave the circle, go back to their corners to reflect on their own responsibilities for wrong doings and/or right doings. When people are able to speak from the heart, listen from the heart and represent themselves without placing blame and shame onto others, then a resolution may be the result.
Communication can be very complex. I have my circle work cut out for me, answer to my faults, integrity and dignity to uphold.
It is never too late to call a circle.
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